Circle of Faith
The loss of a parent is by far the hardest loss I've faced in my life. My father died at sixty-four after a brief and brutal bout with brain and lung cancer. It has been nearly thirteen years and in that time I have grieved in varying amounts of intensity. The road to where I am now was not an easy one. It was a long hard climb, one in which I've grown both in maturity and spirit.
For the longest time after his death, I would scurry past the racks of Father's Day or Birthday cards, unable to even glance in that direction for fear of bursting into tears. Now, I can look back in fondness for the blessing of having had my dad for the time I did. My father was the light of my life, more so when I grew older and was able to see things from his perspective.
Going through his things after he died, I came across a myriad of birthday and Father's Day cards all with the added notations I always made in them - he had kept so many of them. As I sat and reread them, I was able to see my pattern of growth and maturity throughout the years. The last card I had given him, his Father's Day card, was the most difficult. Through streaming tears I wrote these words: "I will always be your little girl, and no one or thing can ever take that away from me." I remember him telling me how beautiful the card was as I choked back the tears I so wanted to cry. Daddy died the next month.
Although I never lost faith that he could have survived if it had been God's will, I still watched him dwindle away daily. His big frame was now a scant one hundred twenty-five pounds, the skin literally hung off of him. Every moment with him became more precious to me as we prepared to say goodbye. But, no matter how prepared you think your are, you are never really ready for it. His death devastated my world - I knew any happiness I would have in the future would be over-shadowed by the loss of the man I cherished so much.
So much of him I see in myself every day, his sense of humor, his compassion towards others, but perhaps most of all, his faith that every thing will always work out. And within this circle of faith I can rest assured that he and I will one day be together again when the circle is complete.
Katherine J. Weber-Turcotte
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5 comments:
kathy,
your tribute to your father is so touching and inspiring. I have never been the same since my father passed a way a few years ago. My muse stopped singing, my heart felt like it fell off of a shelf and shattered into dust, so I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't hold back the memories or the tears as I read your loving words about your father. Thank you once again for sharing your shining, loving spirit with us.
auntgeorge
Thanks for your article "Circle of Faith." It was encouraging since I, too, have lost my father. It has been three years, but it feels like a lifetime. I was a true "daddy's girl," and I feel lost sometimes. I linked to your blog site from a search I did for chickweed. I am interested in obtaining the herb for natural healing. Could you please recommend a source? Thanks in advance for your help.
Kathy, This was a beautiful tribute to your father; and you're so lucky to have had a relationship with him. So many of us have never experienced this.
Love,
Amythyst
Thanks for bringing back memories of my own Dad through your beautiful writing. I lost my father to lung cancer and melonomia, in 2003. I am still at the "can't go by the card rack stage", but I lost my Mom very unexpectily in 2008 too, so it was a double whammy. Keep up your blogging-it is wonderful!
Blessed Be! Susan
I also lost my mom 5 years past my dad and then my sister at age 51 to lung cancer 6 yrs later. It has been a very trying time. In fact, her husband died not quite six years from her as well. Thank you for your lovely comments.
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